Thursday, October 5, 2006

stop the presses...

When I rolled over in bed, peeked at the alarm clock with one eye, and saw that it was 2 am, I turned on the radio knowing that the first airing of today's Gayle King show was on. I called out to poor Rich sleeping on the other side of the bed to tell him that I was going to be on the radio. He replied sleepily "I know".

The monologue seemed mostly the same as what I'd heard when I was on hold waiting to talk to her. But then it changed.

My heart started pumping faster. I was getting more and more awake. With each difference I noted in the monologue.

When I listened to it on the phone, she ended it with how much she loved bacon. The producer came on the line and said "Amy, do you like bacon?" Well, I was so hyped up that I would've said yes to anything. But, yes, definitely, I love bacon. Enthusiastically. Supremely. Love. Bacon. So the producer said "Okay, Amy. You're going to talk to Gayle next. When she comes on, talk to her about bacon and then ask your question."

Okie dokie. I waited a long, long time. Then Gayle came on and said "Hello, Amy? I have it on great authority that you love bacon..."

Thus began our conversation. Me saying how much I love bacon. I think I said that I thought heaven might smell of bacon. She agreed, saying one of her favorite things is to smell bacon and coffee in the morning, even though she doesn't drink coffee. Me saying that I sometimes wonder if I might be capable of being a vegetarian but then I consider bacon and realize I couldn't. She saying that she could never be a vegetarian. She asked her friends who are vegetarians how they do it and they said they never crave those things. And then, here's the kicker, I say "That's the difference between them and us, my friend. We are bacon people". I said it. Crazy me.

So tonight when the first caller (named Amy incidently) starts the conversation in the very same way but with C*U*P*C*A*K*E*S for heaven sake...something I feel much more passionately about, my heart sank.

"Hello, Amy? I have it on great authority that you love cupcakes..."

Is this some sort of cruel twist of fate? I love cupcakes ever so much more than I love bacon. And I do really think now, given a chance to rethink the whole heavenly smells idea that it smells much more of cupcakes up there than bacon. Yes, I'm sure of it now. I think the golden gates, in fact, might be built completely of cupcakes. And you can take one as a sort of party favor when you meet ol' Saint Peter and he gives you your boarding pass.

I listened to all of the callers, waiting for bacon to be reintroduced to the conversation. It was not. And neither was I.

It's late...3 am. I have to find a way to go back to sleep. If you were planning on listening in to hear me tomorrow, you can pretend that the Amy caller talking about cupcakes is me. But it's not.

I suppose there's a chance that they taped two monologues yesterday and that the bacon one will air on Friday.

If I sound sad or dejected, don't's just because I'm not my usual cheery self at 3 am. I'm still so happy for the whole experience. Whether it airs or not, I did in fact speak with Oprah's best friend Gayle. It was a wonderful thing to do. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

And now that commercial for dogs and bacon is playing in my head "bacon bacon bacon".


Mama Urchin said...

oh amy, i'm sorry it didn't work out in the end, though it sounds like it still could. we know how much you love cupcakes.

Waterfall said...

Amy, my dear, I'm sure they will air it at some point. I must say, as an infrequent meat-eater who loves sweets, I'd definitely rather go to a cupcake-smelling heaven than a to bacon-smelling heaven.

But do we have a country song in the making? "If Heav'n don't smail like bacon / then I don't wanna go / It better be like Waffle House / With the coffee burned real slow ... ? :)

Hope this cheers you up, sweetie!

Stacy said...

You would be an awesome guest on Oprah's show!! But actually... you might be too talented even for Oprah. (That's a most high compliment.)

Your blog is great. Thanks for the stories.

I can't believe she asked you about BACON!

Debi Ward Kennedy said...

That dog snack commercial you mentioned? "BACON! Bacon, bacon, bacon....") It's my daughter's THEME song, I swear! She's been a bacon freak her entire life!

The minute daddy would put the bacon on the grill or in the pan, she woudl fly out of bed ans stand beside the stove watching it cook,jusat waiting for that moment when she could sneak a piece.

She's 23 and STILL does it! And guess what miss Preggers is craving all the time, too?!!! Her son will certainly be a second-generation bacon freak!

Anonymous said...

I think this is the most wonderful thing! How cool you got to talk Gayle! And hey, I think heaven will smell both like bacon, cupcakes, and anything your heart desires. I so wish I could hear your conversation, but pooh, I don't have XM radio. Congrats!

Saucy said...

Amy, I used to work in radio. We taped things ahead and "dropped them in" all the time. Sometimes it gets slow with real callers so we'd do that... let's keep listening. It surely will air.

Anonymous said...

Hey, at least you were witty and clever when you were talking to Gayle. I was part of an interview for NPR out of NY once and I wished they hadn't played my part of it. Maybe it was the fact that it was live that froze me up. You know that awful silence in radio that never should happen. Yup, I caused one of those moments. Hopefully if I am on the radio again, it will be less silence and more witty comments like Heaven Smells like Bacon. As everyone else says, hopefully they'll still play it later. Does that mean you have to wake up everynight at 2am to listen?

jen v said...

That same sort of thing happened to a friend of mine. She wrote a letter to Ellen Degeneres of the "Ellen" show. She wrote to tell her that her son wanted an Ellen party. (Some kids want a Spiderman party, her son wated an Ellen Party, the plates, napkins you get the drift.) I also think she asked for tickets to the show. Anyway, a little while after she had sent the letter there was a whole skit about a little kid wanting an ellen party. My friend never heard anything from Ellen. :(

Danielle Muller said...

thanks for giving me a chuckle today!

Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

What a funny funny story, so clever you are!! Bacon or cupcakes you make me laugh!!

Anonymous said...

I hope this doesn't make it worse, but this is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I don't think I could paraphrase it for Andy if I tried.