Monday, July 11, 2005

romance for the ladies

Do not get book recommendations from an old Marine.

Before we left for our trip, one of the things to tick off my list was to stop by the library to pay my hefty fines and pick up a book on tape for the road.

I was rushing around doing a million and one things. When I got to the library, I just stared at the titles on the shelf waiting for something to jump out at me. Nothing was jumping. Next to me searching the shelves was an old Marine with a long print out of books on tape to check out. So I said to this gentleman, "Do you listen to books on tape often?" "Oh yes" he says. I asked "Do you have any recommendations?" to which he answered by rattling off a dozen or so authors' names and book titles. I struggled to keep them all straight in my mind, thanked him profusely, and then started scanning the shelves for anything I recalled from his generous list.

After searching just a few minutes, he came running back with a selection for me. He said "This one has romance for the ladies and action for the guys" Romance for the ladies, he said. So I very happily took this recommended reading, ticking one more thing off my list.

Now let me tell you why it's important to not take book recommendations, especially those with "romance for the ladies" from an old Marine. When we started listening to this book, we realized that by "romance" he meant "sex". We listened to 10 hours of poorly written raunchy "romance" peppered with equally poorly written and repetitive action scenes.

The sex scenes were written like something published in a dirty magazine...with sordid details of intimate acts. This author really paid attention in creative writing class when the teacher emphasized the importance of using all five senses to describe scenes. Boy, did she ever pay attention.

So when you are in the library next to an old Marine, however nice he seems, do not take his advice when he tells you what book to read. Unless you like "romance for the ladies" Marine-style.

(Oh, how did I know he was an old Marine? His head was shorn close to his head and he wore a shirt proudly embellished with a Marine logo. Something tells me his closet is full of such shirts)


Allie said...

I spend lots of time in my car and love books on tape. Here are some good truely "romance for ladies" James Patterson has great ones....Sam's letters for Jennifer and A Diary for Nicholas are the last two that I listened to. All of Nicholas Sparks are sweet cheesy romantic books too. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Bethanie, with blond hair who likes to read, again. I have just spent the last minute and a half trying unsucessfully to hush my laughter. I am not lol...I am rolling on my bed laughly loudly into my pillow. I would stop for a moment, picture the scene in my head and start laughing again. I can clearly 'see' this helpful marine, and I can see my husband and myself in our car hearing a you say, 'love scene' being ead to us, our eyes bulging and both of us trying not to laugh. Too funny. I hope is more to come. Bethanie