Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I don't think I've ever come right out and shared with you that Rich and I are not able to have children. It has taken nearly 10 years of us trying, both with and without medical help, to realize this fully. And it has truly been the single hardship in our life together.
At first we grieved it like a death. Well, in a way it was the death of a dream. The dream of seeing Rich's freckles and all the charm of his smile and his kindness in a little miniature version of him. Or a little curly haired curious and strange little version of me with a smile that is entirely too large for her face.
It's still very sad to think of that dream. But it's been a while and the sharp edges of it have dulled a bit.
The big news we want to share is that we are getting busy with building a family in a nontraditional way. Rich and I are preparing to be foster parents.
It's a long process, filled with social workers and home visits and preparing a room that'll feel like home even when home is not as safe as it should be. We also need to prepare ourselves emotionally and mentally. This is no small thing.
The most wonderful part of this whole process has been the acceptance that this is what we are meant to do. It makes sense of our infertility. Something that once seemed so unfair, so cruel now serves as the gateway to this new life that we would not have otherwise chosen.
Our mission will be to love each child as if they were ours, give them a loving home, be steady and gentle, and care for them for as long as they are here. Sometimes it might be days. For others it might be years.
Your heart would break wide open if you heard some of the stories of what these children have lived through. I don't know what this big new adventure will mean for this blog or my online store. I'm certain that there will be some changes.
When I was explaining to my nephew Seth about it he said "I t'ink you should get one about 3 years old, Amy." "Why's that?" "I can teach him to ride a bike!"
Later on that week, he asks my sister if he could teach her little Maggie to ride a bike. "Oh Maggie is still a little young to ride a big bike" she said. "She's happy on her tricycle" To which he replies "Well Amy's going to let me teach her little boy how to ride a bike!"