Monday, April 27, 2009

worry

It's just another week to go before I head off to California with my brother and sisters to pick up Alfredo. Last night I had a dream that he cried out in the night. I walked down the hallway, which seemed too long. When I got to his room, I couldn't find him in the bed clothes. I awoke with that same panic..."Where is he?" The dream seemed so real. Even now thinking of it I have to convince myself that I didn't really go into his room searching for him.

He speaks Spanish almost entirely. He still seems to understand English but it's Spanish that he speaks. One of my many worries is not being able to understand him. I'm also so worried that he'll miss his Papa. I'm worried that his mother will be angry when he doesn't know her. I'm worried that I won't know what to feed him. I'm worried that he will feel scared here. So many worries...

But what I really need to know today is that the same Lord who guided us to today, will be there tomorrow. There will be problems but there will be solutions. And if I wrap myself in worry, I'll miss the joy of it all. Worries cloud the joy, don't they?

Today I am going to try sloughing off those worries. I'm going to trust that even if things don't go as I planned, everything will be okay. And I'm going to trust that all that I need will come to me.

In the meantime, I'm readying the house, his room, our life, for Alfredo. And I'm daydreaming about all the fun we'll have.

All is well.

38 comments:

Sue said...

Amy,

You have opened your heart and home to this little fellow. The love you obviously have for him will speak clearly, even when you can't find the words. He will understand and know that he is safe, loved and happy.

Let the worries slip away.

Sue

Kathleen Grace said...

I have been following your blog for a while, I just wnat to tell you that God has placed this little guy in your life for a reason. Everything will work out. Even if problems arise, God is there and has a plan. Alfredo is going to have the opportunity to learn two languages! and at his age it will be easier than if he were older. I'm praying for you. Trust that God will work things out:>)

The French Bear said...

You will be fine! Hugs and kisses are the same in any language...... he will be unable to resist your love, it will shine through everything! I think you are courageous, and God chose you for certain reasons, have a wonderful time, make memories!!!!
Hugs,
Margaret B

Sonya said...

Those dreams can feel so REAL, can't they?

But the best part is your realizing it is just dreams and the reality of it is usually much much better.

Hearts always speak the same language honey, and he is speaks yours.

Sonya

craftydiane said...

As the childrens blessing says, "God is great. God is good"! This is so true! God will work everything out for all of you. Just hold on to him. And dreams can seem so real and scare us but they are only dreams. When my oldest daughter was 2 we were in Alaska. We had to fly back to Alabama, which takes 12 hours. Before we left I had a dream that I lost her in the airport. The day we flew I was so nerous expecially when we had to change planes in Atlanta. But God was watching over us and everything went smoothly and my daughter was right by my side the whole time. I think it is just our anxiety that makes us dream such dreams. I know how much you and your husband love this little boy and that love will make everything work out fine.
Have a Blessed Day,
Diane

Laura said...

Well, he very well may miss his Daddy, and you may not understand what he says at first...

But you'll pick up on the language, and you'll remind him his Daddy loves him very much...and you can skype, or video text so they can visit with each other regularly...

But you all will settle in...it'll be just fine.

Cindy (JunqueArt) said...

Everything WILL be ok and God is with you!!! What a lucky little boy!

Anonymous said...

I am a firm believer that things work out for a reason. Little Alfredo will walk into your front door and remember all the little things like the bird, bug, and lizard. He will go to his room and feel the love that surrounded him in his infancy. The language barrier will quickly melt away as he is surrounded by the familiar. All he knows from you is love and love is what will surround him and make him feel secure.

Good luck to you on your journey. Anxiety is part of motherhood it will amaze you how fast he adjusts. But then, remember he is now in the terrible twos and will soon start the troubled threes but that is nothing more than him going into childhood and becoming independent. No one can teach him that better than you. You and Rich are his security,remember that. Love is unconditional and he has learned that from you.

Love to you and enjoy the trip with your brother and sisters.

Beth

Zazu Ta said...

Don't you worry. You'll do great. and when the moment arrives, you'll know exactly what to do and your fears will just melt away like hot chocolate on a sizzling summer day.

Jeanelle said...

Amy: You are a mother...you have god-given instincts. No need to worry those instincts will kick in.

Anonymous said...

I'm an English as a second language teacher....Children are amazing when it comes to language! That is one fear you can put to rest. They learn languages incredibly fast. And, he does know English from babyhood. It will be back in an amazingly short time. Like wise when he visits his Daddy, the Spanish will reemerge quickly. As for missing Daddy...The good Lord will give you wisdom on handling that one.

P.S. I am so loving being able to see pictures of the boy you have made us all fall in love with.

Waterfall said...

Your love will say it all, and his will, too. About the English, kids pick up so quickly on languages. I doubt that he will have a problem.

God has a very weird way of working things out sometimes, not the way we would choose, but you are wise to trust Him that there *will* be solutions to the problems that arise.

I am so happy for Alfredo that he'll get to be back in your arms soon!!

P.S. I will call you soon!

Lisa Brown - Vintage Sweet Peas said...

God has him coming back for a reason!!! Amy your heart is so lovely...God bless you!! Enjoy him!!

Claudia said...

All will work out, Amy, I know it. Your anxiety is normal, but you and Rich are such loving, wonderful people that all imagined difficulties will disappear! Alfredo will adjust to the language difference very quickly, and he will remember all the wonderful times in your home. This is happening for a reason, and love will triumph!

Anonymous said...

Well, Amy, welcome to motherhood. It's 100% love AND 100% worry. There is never a shortage of either.

You're going to have a wonderful summer with your family. Now HERE'S something to worry about: where is the sunscreen?!

Lynne said...

Amen. Go in peace....

Jenn N said...

As parents, Foster, Birth, Co-parent, etc. we worry all the time about our little ones, but just think, for the few worries you might have, there are also hundreds of joyful, beautiful moments you will soon share with this little boy.
SO, so happy for you and Rich.
I read your blog to my mother on the weekend while she was visiting and tears of joy came to my eyes.
Enjoy these moments.

Cristie said...

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Everything will be fine. You know this little boy and he knows you.

IRENE said...

Let your heart do the talking. All will be well.

karen liles said...

You have a chance to learn some spanish! You are so blessed - everything is going to be peachy!!!!

Ginnie said...

I am not a mom, but whenever a little kid says something to me that I don't understand, I say "show me". Seems to work fine, plus little ones learn so fast he will be bilingual in no time!

Anonymous said...

You will be just fine! I always think the anticipation of something happening is actually worse than something happening! Fear and anxiety aren't from the Lord anyway and you have a lot of people praying for you. I know you will have a great time with him! Prayers, Charmaine McL.

gillian said...

Worry never got anyone anywhere... love does. God bless.

Valarie said...

I am so excited for you!! What a lucky little boy to have soo many people love him!! What more could a child need? You will be in my prayers!

wilsonian said...

My father left when I was quite young. A few summers, he had my sister and I come to visit for the entire summer. It was mostly left to Clare (wife #2) to look after us while our father worked. Clare had never had children. And we, I hate to say it, were brats. I'm not sure how she managed more than one summer.

But this is why I'm telling you this... I think of Clare all the time now. I lost touch with her when I was still a child (and wife #3 entered the picture). But over those summers, Clare had such a huge impact on my life. It was Clare who taught me to sew. And how to bake bread. And some other things that are so important in my life now. I can't imagine my life without these things.

There are things that only you can teach Alfredo. He will look back and be grateful for the time you invested in his life. Only difference... he'll be able to thank you in person. :)

Alfredo is the perfect age to learn more than one language. He is the perfect age to benefit from your brand of Mama love.

Trust yourself.
Trust the Lord.
Peace.

Lisa said...

Cast your care on the Lord. He cares for you and Alfredo.

AidelK said...

Hi Amy,
I worry about important events, also! God is in control; it's okay. I heard parts of this radio show while I was running errands today: http://wamu.org/programs/dr/09/04/27.php#24951
The parts I heard, I liked. Maybe you will, too. All the best...
Dodi

Jane said...

I teach fourth grade in bario LA. Each year I have a student who speaks no English. It's amazing how much you can communicate with a smile! He'll understand your joy and happiness and love. The rest will come. Plus he will learn some English too. Lucky boy to be loved by so many!

Francie Horton said...

our sunday school teacher yesterday had the perfect scripture for you.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

He has answered all your prayers so far. this seems to be His will so He will make a way. in all things. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

does anyone worry about this little boy going from papa to rich and amy to papa to rich and amy...I mean, yes...god is love...but he needs to know things are consistant...he gets use to one home then goes back to the other..it isn't the childs fault that his father can't keep him...yet he has to get use to rich and amy once again...he needs to stay put...then in a few months back to his papa? how is this good for the child? He needs to stay with rich and amy...he needs to put down roots and let them grow...

Kelly said...

Worries do cloud the joy...I know, because I'm guilty of stressing about everything. But the Lord brought your little wounded bird into your life in the first place, and now He's bringing him back again. There is a reason for it. He'll get you through everything, no matter what happens. I think raising a child in a loving environment is the most important thing, and you are providing that for Alfredo.

Elaina M. Avalos said...

I'm very new to reading your blog. But you inspire me. I just wanted to tell you that.

Children respond to love. Alfredo will respond to your love. That's the same in any language. I believe with my whole heart, even though I've only been reading this blog for a short time that God has placed you in Alfredo's life for a reason. And for that reason, I know for certain you'll have all the wisdom you'll need. I know you'll seek Him for it.

Art Is...Slan said...

Amy I have followed your blog for a long time now and your recent joy of co-parent brought tears to my eyes. We have our own little miracle - 15 years and 3 angels in the making. What a blessed little boy.

Francie Horton said...

why do these "anonymous" people never have the guts to give their name?

don't listen to the naysayers, amy. only you, rich, and the papa know the situation. i think the more love the better. just delete any negative emotions as easily as you can delete that comment.

Saucy said...

Your worries are understandable, sweet friend. I can only say, as Buddy Budderson turns 19, the worries continue and are just a part of motherhood! The good always outweighs the bad, and tough decisions always come with the job. You'll be fine. Hugs to Baby.

Deb said...

I'm with Francie on the 'anonymous' thing.

And, truthfully, none of us can know what the whole story is. Only you, and Rich, and Daddy know. And it seems to me - to all of us who read your accounts of the vast complexities of the situation - that you three adults are doing everything humanly possible to make this little boy's life one filled with love, security, and family.

Maybe it's not someone else's version of a family...but that's not important. Alfredo is, and you will all raise a very loved and cherished little boy. No doubts or worries can change that, Amy.

Linda said...

You know...the bible says that "perfect love" casts out fear. I believe it's in 1 John. I should look that up.

Stephanie/Doojies said...

You and Rich have such sweet, beautiful, pure hearts-you could not do anything other than follow those hearts. God speaks to us through our hearts and He is telling you that this is right. With all three of you with Alfredo's best interest in mind, how could you go wrong? Of course he'll miss his dad but all of us miss people we love and don't see every day but he will see his daddy and he will get used to the routine and come to know that all of you are consistantly there for him. He's such a blessed child-a perfect match to all his blessed parents. With love, Stephanie