Thursday, September 11, 2008

thank you...

Thank you so much, all you wonderful friends, for your very kind words and prayers. We really appreciate all the love you've sent our way. I know we are going to get through this and we'll be just fine.

What I know for sure is that love doesn't end. It is a kind of energy that just goes on and on. We will always love him.

Just now as I held him napping in my lap, I pulled his sweet little head close to my lips and whispered to him that I loved him. I willed those words to seep into his skin and find a place deep within him where he could keep them always.

We are going to be sad and miss him. But we have each other and we have our love for him. His father has offered that we can visit as often as we like. We can also visit him by webcam (which he's been doing with his dad for a few weeks now). We are definitely planning to go see him for his second birthday in January.

We've decided that we need some time to pull ourselves together and to grieve our loss before we take in another little one. We want to be whole, healthy people when we foster again both for ourselves and for that new little one. We are thinking that January will be a good time for us, after the holidays and a full year after we first met sweet Baby.

I don't think I ever shared on the blog that when he first came to us he had a broken arm. He was like a little frightened bird with a broken wing. We were just about as afraid as he was, so unsure of how to care for him. He came to us on a Wednesday afternoon. On Saturday morning, just a few days after he arrived, at the breakfast table, Rich was feeding him and I was reading a book aloud to him. We're not sure exactly how it happened but he pulled his cast off his arm. Can you imagine our shock? Here is a little baby with an arm that was broken just a week before that is now out of the cast and waving all around. Rich was so scared that he just tried to hold the arm in place and he kept shouting (very loudly) "No!" I think I was running around like a chicken with her head cut off, trying to figure out what we were supposed to do in situations like this. I made a few phone calls to social workers and the hospital, got us all ready and dressed and out the door to the emergency room, in, I think, just about five minutes.

When I think of all of us back then, Baby, Rich, and me...it makes me smile to think of how much we've grown together in the last 9 months. We all communicate so well and work so well as a family. We have a very nice rhythm and we are so happy together. I don't imagine that every placement will be this wonderful. But I thank God for his great grace in giving us Baby first, for the blessing of the love and experience and beauty of being a mother and a father.

We have no regrets...we'd do it again (and will! in a few months) It is the best thing we've ever done, for ourselves, our hearts, our marriage, and our faith. And we are so happy that we were able to give this Baby a safe little nest to grow in and feel loved in.

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am very moved.... Thank you for sharing this side of you and opening up about your family. And even though it has to hurt in the short term, you have done a wonderful thing. You are a shinning example of how we all need to work together, love one another and help all children grow up healthy.

Thank you for sharing. --Shelley

charlotte said...

I'm so proud to know you, Amy....and so happy that he was yours to love for all this while. He will never lose that infusion of love from Amy and Rich. You make us all want to be better people, which I will try for as soon as I stop crying here. xoC

Little Pink Studio said...

Oh how the last two posts have made me cry. I cried for you, for the sweet baby that came to you broken. I know he will be forever blessed to have been with you for so long.
I'm not sure how you are able to do this, but I do know how fortunate the social services department where you live is to have you.
I hope and pray that a home with his Dad is the right choice, and he will get to live a healthy, happy life!
~Cerri xo

Valerie said...

From an adoptive mother --

I want you to know how very much appreciated you are. How it is so important for kids to have a foster home like the one you have provided. How very selfless it is what you and Rich have done.

My son came from another country, but hardly a day goes by when I do not think of not only the sacrifice of his birth mom, but also the foster mother who loved him, cared for him, and taught him about Jesus for the first eleven months of his life, when I was unable to do so. I know that the time you have had with Baby with have a lasting impact on his life, and that all of those prayers you have prayed over him will not go unanswered.

Thank you.

Heather Bullard said...

Absolutely lovely, heartfelt. Many blessings to you all. Hugs, Heather

The Rose Room said...

Amy, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. My heart goes out to you and Rich and to Baby. Those precious words of love you whisper to him and the precious months he has spent in you loving care will stay with him always. Even at this young age you have given him something priceless and enduring and also to yourselves. Many, many blessings to the three of you always. Rachaelxo

barbara mooney said...

Amy,

I found your blog about 2 months ago and enjoyed cruzing it a bit but like coming in during the middle of a TV show I didn't quite know who all the characters were. Life as you are well aware is a busy thing and I never stopped to go back to check it all out. Well that was until your "goodbye" post. I went back to the beginning and feel like we are one of my close friends.

I haven't had to go through the pain of the dealing with fertility or saying goodbye to baby. In fact I am starting to be at the other end. My oldest son is 16 and a junior in high school. He is very seriously starting to look at colleges and I am preparing myself for his moving to the east coast (it is all he talks about). He was gone last summer to Harvard and I missed him everyday. I would sometimes just sit here and wonder what he was doing and if he was thinking of us. Of course he was not but I took comfort in the fact that he knew he could close his eyes and go to a place he felt safe and loved. Baby may not remember every little thing but the feeling of being truly loved never goes away.

If you ever get to the East Bay on one of you California trips let me know. I have a little shop and I would love it if you come by and we could meet. I look forward to going to your site all the time now to see what you are up to.

Anonymous said...

You have such a beautiful soul Mommy Powers. You truly do. It shines....right about now! I see it waayyyyy over here!
Can't wait to hug you in November!
xoxo
Teresa McFayden

becky said...

Oh Amy, I always knew you'd be a wonderful mom, and you are, and will be again and again and again! My thoughts are with you and Rich...

Tammy Mellish said...

Your heart is beautifully tender, and you make the world a brighter place... even during these bittersweet moments. My heart is heavy, my eyes puddled, and I wish for you all everything good.

Bristol said...

Amy~
How wonderful you are to share with us such a wonderful story. I have only come to know you a short time ago and have been such a joy to know. I can only imagine what love and strength you have given to the sweet baby. It takes an amazingly strong and caring person to be a foster parent. You my friend fit that bill~ Thoughts to you and your husband.
Bristol

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are so incredibly insightful. My parents fostered children for 15 years, beginning when I was about 10 yrs, and I can truthfully tell you that our environment wasn't nearly as healthy and loving as yours has been for Baby. YOU are the foster parents that the system DREAMS of finding and the foster parents that are such a gift to the little ones whose lives you touch. Bless you for doing what you do!

Stacy

Cindy (JunqueArt) said...

Oh wow, you are such a wonderfully strong person! I admire you and you and your family are in my thoughts!

AnastasiaC said...

thanks for sharing..this post made me smile...how sad that such a wee little one had a broken arm - parenting is a learning curve for all of us...im thrilled to hear you are going to do it all over again!

Melissa said...

What a bittersweet time. On one hand, I know it's going to be so hard to let this gorgeous little guy go. On the other hand, it's practically a miracle that the home he's going to seems safe and happy and excited to have him, and not a parent who is still seriously messed up and dangerous. Another fabulous thing is that he ended up with you two for this time. A care-free time, with no fears, and just total, unconditional love. You've given him a gift that will always be with him. I'm so glad his father is willing to keep you in his life!

Catherine D said...

His little life is indelibly and eternally marked with your love. He will always have that very strong deposit of love that will help shape his future and his choices. You are just the sweetest! I wish I knew you personally. If you are ever up Seattle way - come to Vancouver and we will show you around our beautiful province.

twinkleshabbystar said...

Amy,
This post makes me smile and warms my heart knowing that your nest will have a new wee one in due time. No sweet little child will ever replace your baby. Those cherished memories will forever live in your heart. XOXO

Nichole said...

How very sweet of you to have accepted a child into your home. As an adopted child myself, I can say that loving families can be hard to come by, and little Baby was truly blessed to be so fortunate to find a family, if only temporary, to love him with all their hearts. Just take comfort in knowing that the little one will grow to have two families adore him.

My heart is with you during this trying and emotional time.

Natasha Burns said...

Hi Amy,
You've proven that genetics don't automatically make someone a good parent or a great one - you've given this baby a wonderful loving foundation that hopefully will be carried through and built on by his father. Any child who comes to your home is not only a blessing to you, but a blessed child. How appropriate you are called Inspire Co, because you are so inspiring not only in your creativity, but in your life and how you live it. I wish you all the best and hope the pain will diminish some, though i know this must be painful beyond what I could ever imagine.
Natasha xo

Jennifer Stewart said...

Amy,

You are amazing and your strength is absolutely inspiring. I admire you so much. God has given you a beautiful spirit.

Love,
Jennifer

laurie said...

Amy,
My heart aches as you have to give up Baby, but it also gives me a warm feeling as I know how much you have given to the little guy. He will always have part of you and Rich in his heart. I am glad we got to share baby as well...thanks for letting us into your life thru your postings.

Karen said...

Dear Amy

You've done good. Give yourself and your Rich a big hug

I too whisper I love you to my sleeping child as if to will it into his essential being to stay with him forever

Anonymous said...

Amy,
Although I have never met you and just thoroughly enjoy your blog, because of things you share I know you are a great mom, friend, wife and just all around terrific person. Your kindness and compassion towards this sweet baby makes my heart leap with joy! You have taken this gift God has given you and cherished and nurtured it in a way that will only strengthen the person Sweet Baby will be in the future! Know that love has many rewards that can not be seen or touched but the results can last a lifetime. I admire that you and your husband opened up your hearts, home and life to something you knew was only temporary! It takes courage and a selflessness to be able to do it with such grace! Know that God will hold you up during the bittersweet farewell and friends will keep you in their prayers
Laura Brytowski

corine @ Hidden In France said...

This killed me.

Junie Moon said...

What a touching post, Amy. Your spirit is so beautiful.

Wish on a Whisker said...

~Such a beautiful post! Still thinking of you!~ Mandy

Chris said...

I found your blog through Artful Blogging magazine and I love your photography and your beautiful blog!
I also just wanted to say, God bless you for being a foster mom. Our two children were adopted from Korea and both were in foster care there for several months. We think of and pray for their foster moms every day and were are forever in their debt for caring for our babies as they did. Our son came home almost 4 years ago and we still email with his foster mom!
I have experienced firsthand what a difference it makes for a baby to be in the care of a loving foster family. It is an immeasurable gift to the child and the parents who will raise him or her.

Debby Schuh said...

What a gift you have given this little boy and what a gift has been given back to you! God bless you all with sweet peace of mind and heart.

Jo said...

Oh Amy, I only came across your blog yesterday, but your posts have moved me so! A friend who adopted two little girls was forever grateful to their foster mom, who made their transition as happy and loved filled as anyone could hope for. You are doing an amazing thing, and are so brave.
Jo

Heidi (http://journals.aol.com/hwoodred/everyday-cookies/) said...

Amy (and Rich)...There are special jewels just now being added to your crowns in heaven. I had tears in my eyes as I read of the little birdie's broken wing. He was placed in your nest becuase you could heal the wing to the soul. May God bless you and Rich the next few months.
{Hugs}
*Heidi*

Whosyergurl said...

Dear Amy,

You are such a wonderful Mama Bird.
You write so beautifully.
You are an inspiration of what a loving, kind, tender woman is for all of us.
I admire you so.
There will be a special place in Heaven for you and Rich.
Hugs, Cheryl in IN.

Lady Dorothy said...

How wonderful to be both blessed and a blessing. You are some very dear people. May God continue to bless you abundantly.

DivaDeb said...

An Angel on Earth, that's what you are, Miss Amy. A bonafide Angel. Blessings abundant to you and Rich, and to Baby as he takes wing from your safe nest...

Pamela Jane said...

Sweet Amy, blessings wash over those who open themselves to receive, as you have with this child. Now look for the peace within this loving and, in your beautiful way, pass it on to him as he leaves you for a while.

julie & joe said...

Amy, We have been through many of the things you have been through. When we were told that the first baby placed in our home was going home, I cried and cried. WE have had several more children in our home since. I am happy to say that our adoption will be final on Sept. 29. We are so excited. It is hard but the end result most every time has been worth it and I think we have learned so much about our selves each time.

Carol said...

Amy, what a gift you and your husband have given Babby, more than you will ever ever know! Be happy in the fact that you have made an impression on his heart for now and forever!
Carol

Mim Smith Faro said...

Thank you for sharing your story. You and your husband have given baby a strong start. How very b;essed he has been and you are. Continued prayers and blessings to you.

Kristin said...

Wow! What an inspiring post.I want to look in your archives and read more! What a precious gift you are giving to little ones! God Bless!
Kristin

Becs said...

Hi there Amy, I read your article on your blog in Arful Bloggers. I was inspired. I love your site and hope to visit again soon. Hang in there and God Bless You! Becs

Dana Lynne said...

Hi Amy, I just found you via bloggedy blog blog - and right away found that we have this in common... My husband and I fostered a little guy for three months before he was adopted by an aunt an uncle. That was two and a half years ago, and I still love him! The pain of his leaving is still there, but it is no longer sharp, and is overwhelmed by the blessing that he was to us. Indeed, he blessed us in so many ways! My prayers are with you now.

jess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jess said...

Amy, I have been reading you forever and have so loved reading about all your joys that baby has brought you. I'm so glad that for a time you were able to experience Motherhood. I cried my way through this post. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for putting amazing people on this Earth to take care of the sweet spirits who for whatever reason can't be taken care of by their birth parents. Thank you for being a protector and a safe haven for these small souls. They need you. My prayers are truly with you at this time.

Lisa said...

I've also cried my way thru your last two posts. All I can say is Bless your hearts. So much love there and baby know's it too.
xoxo
lisa

Beth Quinn said...

amy you and your hubby are very amazing souls, generous kind and oh so giving - and you will be blessed with another amazing little one when the timing is right - you are in my thought and prayers !! hope you are well !!
xo,
beth

babelfish said...

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but from what I read I know that baby had found a loving foster home with you and hubby, you guys have so much love to give and there will always be wonderful memories. God bless.