Tuesday, September 9, 2008

saying goodbye

I've known for a little more than a week now. Baby leaves us in 2 weeks to go live with his father. Two little itty bitty short weeks. I can scarcely believe it.

For the most part I am strong. There are moments though when I feel a pain in my chest and my throat so strong that I can't swallow. And I'm afraid when the dam breaks that's holding all those tears that I won't be able to stop them. Ever.

The plan is to make these two weeks as joyous and sweet and fun as we can. There's no sense in being sad now...not just yet. But today as he sang out "EIEIO!" from the back seat and then giggled at his song, a little tear found its way down my cheek. Oh, there goes another. Maybe changing a diaper will cheer me up.

81 comments:

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

May the next two weeks be a sweet, precious time for you. I pray that baby will still be a part of your life in some way however big or little.

donna said...

You poor creature. I so admire your strength, you and Rich have done a wonderful thing for this little guy. The pain is horrid I'm sure but in the big picture I'm sure this is what you wanted. For him to be safe with his family and loved. You are an awesome couple for putting his needs before your own.

Donna

david santos said...

Great posting. Very, very nice!!!!
Congratulations!!!

Anonymous said...

Amy,

I don't know why, but I never thought this blogpost would come...I'm totally unprepared. Know that you're being prayed for worldwide and that these next two weeks are sacred for all of you - for oh so many reasons.
You're a hero...thank you.
xo C

Sonja said...

Despite knowing the day would come, it doesn't alleviate the pain after growing so attached to sweet baby. I wish I could make it better for you and hubby, you are such special sweet people. But I can only wish wish you strength and joy the next few weeks. Bless your precious heart.

juliagulia said...

Sorry My heart goes out to you and the rest of your family. NO mother however you become one should have to lose a child. I hope your family have a great two weeks.

Julie Loeschke said...

You are my hero. I'll say a prayer for all of you. Warmly,Julie.

jettstream said...

During a very bad time in my life, I too thought I would never stop crying. Until a wonderful therapist pointed out that NO one had ever died of weeping. And no one had ever NOT stopped, eventually. I learned to just cry and cry and cry ... until I simply cried out. The tears may come back for visits, but you WILL stop eventually. My heart is with you all.

Stacy said...

I pray that baby will be happy and well-loved with his dad. And I can't help but tear up that this part of your life is ending.

You're still a mom in my eyes, Amy. An awesome, awesome mom. :-)

Sarah and Jack said...

((((Amy)))) I can only imagine how hard this must be. You have given that little boy love and stability when he needed it most, that is an amazing gift.

Piper said...

I feel for you, Amy. I was a surrogate, and I think some of the same feelings apply.... find your contentment in the gift you've given him and your joy in watching him succeed in the world. My thoughts are with you!

scrapbookideas said...

Amy, wow, this post really took me by surprise and I am all teary eyed now!! You are a real saint, for sharing your life and your heart with this little guy, even though you knew you would eventually have to say goodbye. Bless you for that!!! I will be praying for all involved that the transition will go as smoothly and sweetly as possible. ~xo Jess

Miss B said...

I agree with everyone above, this is a tough, sad day for you- but I hope that it is bittersweet to know that you have given this little fellow a happy and loving home and that you and Rich will have a chance to do that again and again for many lucky children. That is so beautiful and I trust that its worth the heartache you feel right now. Sending you warm and comforting thoughts and prayers.

Becky

LindaSonia said...

Oh my, this is the tough part of the job you signed on for. I know I absolutely don't need to tell you that, but know that I'll be praying for you - that you have the strength needed for the journey. You have been a blessing in baby's life. Hugs XO LindaSonia

Paper Relics said...

Oh sweet friend, I am here for you.
I truly belive you and Rich helped shape him to be who he is and who he is going to be, so you will always have that connection.

I am ready with the Doris Day movies and ice cream whenever you need it!

Give baby a hug for me... I am going to miss him too! No one sayd "Hope" as cute as he does!

deb said...

Sweet Amy. Your life has been touched by him and he by you both. I'll be thinking of you. I can't even imagine..
hugs to you!

Jen@The Cottage Nest said...

Oh! I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. You have been such a blessing in that little man's life and I hope that if will confort you and Rich to remember that. My thoughts and prayers are with you Amy.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I wanted you to know how much I admire you and Rich. I am going to miss singing "5 little ducks went out to play". I really thought he would be with us for ever. We are here for you and it looks like you have A LOT of friends who are here for you also. You have given him so so much. I love you very much. Jennifer

Waterfall said...

Oh, Amy, I am so sorry! :(

You have had such a lasting and positive effect on Baby's life, I'm sure of it ... and he on yours and Rich's! All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

kim hesson said...

amy, your family and the baby is in my thoughts and prayers. i'll be thinking of you and i know you will enjoy these last weeks! you have played an important part in this childs and his families life! i know it will make a difference!

Little Birdie Secrets said...

Found your blog through Today's Creative Blog. You are definitely INSPIRING

Tami said...

Oh so sad for you, but isn't it great that Baby's father is ready and able to raise his son again?! It sounds like you were such a good mama to Baby while he stayed at your home. Kudos to you and Rich for providing a safe haven. :-)

Whosyergurl said...

Oh Amy, you are an angel! (Rich, too!) I know that many blessings will pour out over you for what you've done through loving Baby and sharing your lives and home with him.
I will pray that you will be comforted through this time. Allow yourself to feel and cut yourself all the slack that you need.
I'll also be praying for Baby's Dad. Love, Cheryl

Bev said...

Sending a big hug! I know this is difficult but you should be so proud of the work you have done with Baby...I know he is stronger for your love. I am keeping you all in my prayers are you enjoy these last days together and as you let baby go onto his next adventure. I hope you are able to keep in touch as he grows.
Bev

Korie B. said...

My heart aches for you. I can't tell you how very much I admire you & Rich for giving yourselves so unselfishly to this child. You are amazing people doing amazing work.
Cherish every sweet baby kiss over the next two weeks...

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain way over here you sweet Amy girl. I know these 2 weeks are going to be such a trying time for you guys...but...when things seem low and tear are too heavy to wipe away, I hope you will know that there are so many gals feeling your pain with you. So many friends are lifting you guys up during that very hard time. It's true!! There will be a silver lining in all of this, it's just going to be hard to see at first. Love you girl and sending big hugs your way.
xxoxxoxx
Teresa McFayden

Katie said...

Oh, I am teary-eyed for you. I have thought of you so often and almost hoped this day would not come . . . I have been amazed at the depth of your love, at the fullness of your heart. And I will send a little winged prayer that these two weeks will be sweet and kind to you. And that Baby will go to his father with the wonderful strong heart of love that you both have given him.

lauradodson said...

Hugs! You have shown this little life so much love and care. God Bless you all and may baby be safe, sound, and happy in his new home...

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy, You are such a sweet soul. You've touched this little guy's heart with yours. It's truly a wonderful thing that you have done. Be strong, sweet Amy. You are a wonder and we are all thinking of you. Warmly, Kathy in Chicago

Diane said...

Oh my. Amy - my heart goes out to you. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

SOINSPIRED said...

Oh Amy: My heart hurts for you. I am so proud of you for the care that you gave to this little guy.

Halo Hill said...

Oh my gosh. My heart breaks for you. You have done a wonderful job, and given him love and stability in the time of his life when bonding and love and trust and goodness shape his little brain. You have given him the gift of life. Truly. I'll keep you all in my prayers!

Sheila
Halo Hill

Anonymous said...

I know your pain. My husband and I became foster parents about two years ago. We now have our fourth placement. The first two (sisters) lived with us for almost eight months. I know that may not seem like long but it truly feels as if they are part of who we are now. It is hard loving so deeply and then letting go. Especially when the circumstances they may be returning to is not really any different from the ones they were removed from. We pray everyday for their safety and well being. I recently spoke to them and they are well. They do seem happy. We now have a baby girl who we picked up from the hospital. This little angel was meant to be here. She needs us and we need her. We are adopting her soon. If the other children would have stayed then we wouldn't have this little girl and I can't imagine one second without her. I'll be praying for you and your husband and baby too. Hang in there and remember that no one else could have given baby quite what you have and now you will be able to give your generous love to another child in need.

Mary Ellen said...

I don't even know what to say to comfort you. The rest of Baby's life will echo the love and caring you have given him. It will always be part of who he lives. You all will be in my prayers.

Simply Me Art said...

What a Wonderful Kind couple the two of you are. Your strength is an Inspiration. I wish you all a wonderful loving two weeks. Jamie

Kim Caldwell said...

Crying big tears over here for you sweet Amy. You are in all of our thoughts -- sending strength your way. You and Rich are an inspiration. You can come stay with me in Cali any time you visit!

Hugs, Kim

Carol said...

Just reading your blog and reading these comments, know that you gave Baby the love needed at the time needed. And what a true loving gift that is. Thinking of you.

Meleen said...

amy,

you've been kissed by an angel, and somewhere this is all part of His big plan.

thinking of all of you,
meleen

Jacquelynne said...

Sometimes a broken heart is the price we pay for love. You will always be in his little heart, just as he will be in yours. May God strengthen you and heal your heart. And may you be blessed for the wonderful gift that you have given this precious little boy.

Anonymous said...

Oh Amy, You and Rich are two of the most wonderful people I know. I haven't stopped crying since I heard he was leave you and going so far. I will miss him and him singing quack quack quack like Jennifer said. I'm so glad I got to spend that week at the beach with yall and go to know baby. My heart breaks for you so I can only imagine what you are going through.

mo said...

What an invaluable gift you have given of yourself and at such a personal price. I can't imagine how your heart is breaking but I also can't imagine what an incredible time you have given him at a time he really really needed someone like you to fold him up in your arms and make him feel good.

Jerusalem said...

Many hugs friend! It is a brave thing you have done and are doing! My thoughts and prayers are with all 3 of you. Baby is the luckiest little boy to have had you both, and his heart and life will only expand because of it!!!

Anonymous said...

I admire your spirit!

Jan said...

I, too, didn't expect to read this. My heart is heavy for you.

Jan

Doreen said...

You are so amazing! I know you have the strength. This sweet little boy is so blessed to have spent this time with you. You are truly an angel on Earth.
I'm crying right along with you.
Enjoy these next 2 weeks and know in your heart what a wonderful thing you have done. I hope that helps comfort you when you are sad. This child is better for having known you and spent time in your very loving home.

kristen said...

I'm holding you close like butter on toast right now, dear one. Hang in there.
xo

Tammy Mellish said...

It's got to be the hardest part of the most rewarding job ever. You are in my every thought.

Anonymous said...

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU,AMY-ONLY THROUGH YOUR BLOG BUT IN THE TIME I'VE BEEN READING IT I HAVE FOUND OUT WHAT A WONDERFUL, GIVING SWEET PERSON YOU ARE..YOU HAVE GIVEN SO MUCH OF YOURSELF TO THIS LITTLE GUY AND HE HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH FROM YOU AND HUBBY..MY DAUGHTER TOOK ON A READY MADE FAMILY WHEN SHE MARRIED AND MY MOTHER-IN -LAW SAID-GOD HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HEAVEN FOR PEOPLE LIKE HER..THIS GOES FOR YOU TOO,AMY..MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND ALL YOU'VE DONE..VAL

Anonymous said...

How lucky for Baby and his family to have you and Rich enter into theirs. He will alwyas be in your heart and you both will stay in his. Oh and how very lucky the next child will be to come into your home.
The two of you make an amazing family. Thank you for what you do for our world.
michelleb.

Wish on a Whisker said...

~You are amazing! My heart hurts just reading this! Baby will be a better person just being around you this short time. I know you have changed his life. I am thinking of you!~ Mandy

Sue said...

You have made a huge impact on baby's life, and I hope you can continue to share in his future.I dont know what the father would have done without your help, there are so many parents who need angels like you! Have a happy and memorable 2 weeks, and know youve given baby the best a person could receive, lots of love and cuddles!!
Sue

m i c h e l l e said...

I'll be thinking of you and hope your tender heart can get through this knowing what a difference you have made to this sweet little soul. You are so special, Amy. Sending you big hugs.

Anonymous said...

You have given this child more love and attention that he would have gotten. Baby has been well prepared for his dad. You are responsible for that. Thank heavens there are warm, loving people like you to help those in need. My heart aches for your pain of the loss, but know that you have done God's work.

Mary Sue

Heidi (http://journals.aol.com/hwoodred/everyday-cookies/) said...

Amy, You are an angel in this little guy's life. You made a difference. {Hugs} *Heidi*

cupcake studio said...

We'll be sending up prayers for you and Baby! What an incredibly awesome thing you're doing!

Mim Smith Faro said...

Just another voice from the blogosphere echoing what has been already said.

You have truly touched this little one's life and he has touched your's and you will both be better for it. What a blessing you have been for him and he has been for you.

((hugs)) and prayers from PA

Chris Worthy said...

Bless you and your husband. I am confident that your investment of time and love will change this little one's life forever. And it sounds as if he has changed your life as well. I pray that you all have peace during this transition.

Best to you.

Lisa said...

What a wonderful gift of love and time you have given sweet baby. May his life be happy with his bio Dad. And He will be filled with such love from you and your hubby.

((Hugs))

Kathleen Grace said...

I am so sorry. My mother took foster children when I was a teenager and you cannot help but grow to love them, that is the point, to give them the love they need. It is always hard to say good-bye and the first is always the hardest. I will be praying for you that God will help ease the sorrow when he goes to be with his daddy. Blessings to you.
Kathy

Ramona said...

Amy ~ You are an angel and this Earth is a better place because of folks like you.

God Bless!

Smiles ~ Ramona

Amanda said...

Amy, you are such an amazing person to bring this little one into your life knowing that it may only be for a short while. Baby was truly blessed to have you and your family welcome him with open arms.

Junie Moon said...

What a difficult thing to face and it breaks my heart for you, Amy. But just think of the love you've given this precious child at a time in his life when he needed it as well as the stability of a good home. The love and care you and Rich have given him are the most precious gifts of all. Because of the two of you, he has a wonderful and happy start in life. Bless you and Rich for your good hearts.

Andrea Singarella said...

Oh Amy, my heart is breaking for you. Fill these two weeks with as many hugs, kisses and memories as you can, as I'm sure you will. You gave him so much more love than he ever had a chance of getting without you.
Hugs,
Andrea

mel said...

oh i cannot even imagine it. that little guy has been so blessed to have you during this time. enjoy your last weeks with him. We have enjoyed getting to know him through your blog posts. be well and I will pray for you during this time.

amberlee said...

I agree with all that have said this little one was so blessed to have you. And it sounds like you have been blessed as well. What a great beginning you've given him! As someone who wants to be a foster parent someday I have loved following your adventure. Have a fabulous two weeks.

Lovie said...

So sorry dear Amy. I will pray and ask God to give you a super-duper helping of courage and strength.

amy h said...

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. To give your love so freely is a beautiful thing though -- your pain is the evidence of the wonderful thing you've done. My babe is almost one, and I know the joy that they bring at this age! Soak it up and know how important it is for kids to have love at this age, and you gave it. Good work, mama. I really admire you.

louise said...

oh amy. my heart is breaking for you. thank you for sharing your journey with the little guy. you're an angel, really xxx

Rebecca said...

May God keep you, Rich and Baby cradled in His hands these next two weeks, and the weeks to follow... Your willingness to open your heart to this child, and any other child who needs you, is exemplary and inspiring to all of us.

Judy said...

Somewhere deeply embedded in his little heart will forever remain a permanent image of you and Rich.

Anonymous said...

oh amy--you made me cry. but i know and you know that only God is in control--i'm so glad He's looking over Baby (and you). love, doki

Janis said...

Dearest Amy, Baby has been so Blessed to have you and Rich in his life.
My heart breaks for you...I Pray
that God will help you through this
time and please know that my Prayers
and thoughts are with you all.
Love and Hugs,
Janis

Angela said...

Oh Amy, I cry with you as I read this but I will be praying for God to give you peace and strength thru this and without even really knowing you, I have no doubt that with this short time with baby, you and Rich have forever changed his life. He will always have your love with him wherever life takes him and isn't that what we are here for? You all are in my prayers and I want to thank you for what you have done for him and his family!

AnastasiaC said...

how difficult it must be for you and Rich but think of how you enriched his life and how he did the same to you...its a real blessing!
not sure what the process is but I hope you can keep in touch somehow and im praying for the best life for him!!

HollyDoodleDesigns said...

Amy, my whole chest is just aching for you. You will always be the mother of his heart. Only a true mother would allow her heart to be broken for the sake of a child. You are amazing. I am praying for you, Rich and Baby, who will be devastated without you.

twinkleshabbystar said...

Amy sweetie,
As a mother of an adopted child I just cant imagine what i would do or how I would feel if we had to give Vivian back to the birth parents. My heart truly aches for you sweet friend. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. YOu have a WONDERFUL support of friends here!!!! XOXO

Cheryl said...

Oh Amy....I'm SOBBING. I admire your grace and strength and I'm praying that you'll have even MORE than normal (which is a lot). I will email you....love and hugs, cheryl

em said...

my heart melted reading this post... You are so brave & strong... never tire of doing good... you ARE making SUCH a HUGE difference in our world! My prayers are with all people involved...

Loraine said...

My heart is aching for you. I am so happy that you will be able to keep in touch with him through his Dad.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I will be sending nothing but happy - joyful thoughts your way.

You and your sweet husband are an inspiration.

Denice said...

Hugs.

Just wow, for all that you've done for baby and his family.

xx

Jana said...

You sweet thing, I'll be praying for your stength during this time. You definitely earned some huge jewels for your crown in glory for what you've done for this little guy.