I stayed in my pajamas until after lunch.
Then I spent about an hour in the bathtub.
I talked on the phone with friends, catching up and crying and remembering Baby.
When I saw his car seat in the backseat, I wept.
Then I went to the fabric store and just stared at stuff.
I called to see how he's doing and when his father put him on the phone, I choked up. I sang him a song and he sang a little bit back.
I really, really miss him. I wish I could hold him and give him a butterfly kiss and then an eskimo kiss and then a kiss each on his chubby cheeks.
Oh, but I love him. Sweet, sweet baby. A dream made to order.
Lots of people have said to me of foster care "I don't know how you can do it. I couldn't do it." I never really know how to respond. I mean, truly, I wouldn't think I could do it either. But here I am. I'm sad, sure. But I think of that little baby and the gift that was given to us and I'm proud.