When I rolled over in bed, peeked at the alarm clock with one eye, and saw that it was 2 am, I turned on the radio knowing that the first airing of today's Gayle King show was on. I called out to poor Rich sleeping on the other side of the bed to tell him that I was going to be on the radio. He replied sleepily "I know".
The monologue seemed mostly the same as what I'd heard when I was on hold waiting to talk to her. But then it changed.
My heart started pumping faster. I was getting more and more awake. With each difference I noted in the monologue.
When I listened to it on the phone, she ended it with how much she loved bacon. The producer came on the line and said "Amy, do you like bacon?" Well, I was so hyped up that I would've said yes to anything. But, yes, definitely, I love bacon. Enthusiastically. Supremely. Love. Bacon. So the producer said "Okay, Amy. You're going to talk to Gayle next. When she comes on, talk to her about bacon and then ask your question."
Okie dokie. I waited a long, long time. Then Gayle came on and said "Hello, Amy? I have it on great authority that you love bacon..."
Thus began our conversation. Me saying how much I love bacon. I think I said that I thought heaven might smell of bacon. She agreed, saying one of her favorite things is to smell bacon and coffee in the morning, even though she doesn't drink coffee. Me saying that I sometimes wonder if I might be capable of being a vegetarian but then I consider bacon and realize I couldn't. She saying that she could never be a vegetarian. She asked her friends who are vegetarians how they do it and they said they never crave those things. And then, here's the kicker, I say "That's the difference between them and us, my friend. We are bacon people". I said it. Crazy me.
So tonight when the first caller (named Amy incidently) starts the conversation in the very same way but with C*U*P*C*A*K*E*S for heaven sake...something I feel much more passionately about, my heart sank.
"Hello, Amy? I have it on great authority that you love cupcakes..."
Is this some sort of cruel twist of fate? I love cupcakes ever so much more than I love bacon. And I do really think now, given a chance to rethink the whole heavenly smells idea that it smells much more of cupcakes up there than bacon. Yes, I'm sure of it now. I think the golden gates, in fact, might be built completely of cupcakes. And you can take one as a sort of party favor when you meet ol' Saint Peter and he gives you your boarding pass.
I listened to all of the callers, waiting for bacon to be reintroduced to the conversation. It was not. And neither was I.
It's late...3 am. I have to find a way to go back to sleep. If you were planning on listening in to hear me tomorrow, you can pretend that the Amy caller talking about cupcakes is me. But it's not.
I suppose there's a chance that they taped two monologues yesterday and that the bacon one will air on Friday.
If I sound sad or dejected, don't worry...it's just because I'm not my usual cheery self at 3 am. I'm still so happy for the whole experience. Whether it airs or not, I did in fact speak with Oprah's best friend Gayle. It was a wonderful thing to do. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
And now that commercial for dogs and bacon is playing in my head "bacon bacon bacon".